ARIES (March 21-April 19) I predict that August will be a Golden Age for you. That’s mostly very good. Golden opportunities will arise, and you’ll come into possession of lead that can be transmuted into gold. But it’s also important to be prudent about your dealings with gold. Consider the fable of the golden goose. The bird’s owner grew impatient because it laid only one gold egg per day; he foolishly slaughtered his prize animal to get all the gold immediately. That didn’t work out well. Or consider the fact that to the ancient Aztecs, the word teocuitlatl referred to…
Author: Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19) Be extra-polite and deferential. Cultivate an exaggerated respect for the status quo. Spend an inordinate amount of time watching dumb TV shows while eating junk food. Make sure you’re exposed to as little natural light and fresh air as possible. JUST KIDDING! I lied! Ignore everything I just said! Here’s my real advice: Dare yourself to feel strong, positive emotions. Tell secrets to animals and trees. Swim and dance and meditate naked. Remember in detail the three best experiences you’ve ever had. Experiment with the way you kiss. Create a blessing that surprises you and everyone…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) “Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.” Whenever that quote appears on the Internet, it’s falsely attributed to painter Frida Kahlo. In fact, it was originally composed by poet Marty Mc- Connell. In any case, I’ll recommend that you heed it in the coming weeks. You really do need to focus on associating with allies who see the mysterious and lyrical best in you. I will also suggest that you get inspired by a line that Frida Kahlo actually wrote: “Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are a bourbon biscuit.” (If you don’t know what a bourbon biscuit is, I’ll…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) Your key theme right now is growth. Let’s dig in and analyze its nuances. 1. Not all growth is good for you. It may stretch you too far too fast — beyond your capacity to integrate and use it. 2. Some growth that is good for you doesn’t feel good to you. It might force you to transcend comforts that are making you stagnant, and that can be painful. 3. Some growth that’s good for you may meet resistance from people close to you; they might prefer you to remain just as you are, and may even experience your growth as a problem. 4. Some growth that isn’t…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) Twentieth-century French novelist Marcel Proust described 19th-century novelist Gustave Flaubert as a trottoire roulant, or “rolling sidewalk”: plodding, toneless, droning. Meanwhile, critic Roger Shattuck compared Proust’s writing to an “electric generator” from which flows a “powerful current always ready to shock not only our morality but our very sense of humanity.” In the coming weeks, I encourage you to find a middle ground between Flaubert and Proust. See if you can be moderately exciting, gently provocative and amiably enchanting. My analysis of the cosmic rhythms suggests that such an approach is likely to produce the best…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) Your best ideas and soundest decisions will materialize as if by magic while you’re lounging around doing nothing in a worry-free environment. So please make sure you have an abundance of relaxed slack and unhurried grace. Treat yourself to record-setting levels of comfort and self-care. Do whatever’s necessary for you to feel as safe as you have ever felt. I realize these prescriptions might ostensibly clash with your fiery Aries nature. But if you meditate on them for even two minutes, I bet you’ll agree they’re exquisitely appropriate for you right now. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) “It is always what is under pressure in us, especially under pressure of concealment…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you have cosmic permission to enjoy extra helpings of waffles, crepes, pancakes and blintzes. Eating additional pastries and doughnuts is also encouraged. Why? Because it’s high time for you to acquire more ballast. You need more gravitas and greater stability. You can’t afford to be top-heavy; you must be hard to knock over. If you would prefer not to accomplish this noble goal by adding girth to your butt and gut, find an alternate way. Maybe you could put weights on your shoes and think very deep thoughts. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) You’re slipping into the wild heart of the season…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) My Aries acquaintance Tatiana decided to eliminate sugar from her diet. She drew up a plan to avoid it completely for 30 days, hoping to permanently break its hold over her. I was surprised to learn that she began the project by making a Dessert Altar in her bedroom, where she placed a chocolate cake and five kinds of candy. She testified that it compelled her willpower to work even harder and become even stronger than if she had excluded all sweet treats from her sight. Do you think this strenuous trick might work for you as you battle your own personal equivalent of a sugar addiction? If not, devise…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you would be wise to ruffle and revise your relationship with time. It would be healthy for you to gain more freedom from its relentless demands; to declare at least some independence from its oppressive hold on you; to elude its push to impinge on every move you make. Here’s a ritual you could do to spur your imagination: Smash a timepiece. I mean that literally. Go to the store and invest $20 in a hammer and alarm clock. Take them home and vociferously apply the hammer to the clock in a holy gesture of pure, righteous chastisement. Who knows? This…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) A critic described Leonardo da Vinci’s painting the “Mona Lisa” as “the most visited, most written about, most sung about, most parodied work of art in the world.” It hasn’t been sold recently, but is estimated to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Today it’s kept in the world-renowned Louvre museum in Paris, where it’s viewed by millions of art-lovers. But for years after its creator’s death, it enjoyed little fanfare while hanging in the bathroom of the French King Francois. I’d love to see a similar evolution in your own efforts, Aries: a rise…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) The Aries poet Anna Kamieńska described the process of writing as akin to “the backbreaking work of hacking a footpath, as in a coal mine; in total darkness, beneath the earth.” Whether or not you’re a writer, I’m guessing that your life might have felt like that recently. Your progress has been slow and the mood has been dense and the light has been dim. That’s the tough news. The good news is that I suspect you will soon be blessed with flashes of illumination and a semi-divine intervention or two. After that, your work will proceed with more ease. The mood will be softer and brighter. TAURUS (April…
What do the stars have in store for you this week?
ARIES (March 21-April 19) The Torah is a primary sacred text of the Jewish religion. It consists of exactly 304,805 letters. When specially trained scribes make handwritten copies for ritual purposes, they must not make a single error in their transcription. The work may take as long as 18 months. Your attention to detail in the coming weeks doesn’t have to be quite so painstaking, Aries, but I hope you’ll make a strenuous effort to be as diligent as you can possibly be. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Born under the sign of Taurus, Edmund Wilson was a renowned 20th-century author and critic who wrote more than 30 books. He also served as editor…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) I hate rampant consumerism almost as much as I hate hatred, so I don’t offer the following advice lightly: Buy an experience that could help liberate you from the suffering you’ve had trouble outgrowing. Or buy a toy that can thaw the frozen joy that’s trapped within your out-of-date sadness. Or buy a connection that might inspire you to express a desire you need help in expressing. Or buy an influence that will motivate you to shed a belief or theory that has been cramping your lust for life. Or all of the above! (And if…
ARIES (March 21-April 19) Imagine you’re one of four porcupines caught in frigid weather. To keep warm, you all have the urge to huddle together and pool your body heat. But whenever you try to get close, you prick each other with your quills. The only solution to that problem is to move away from each other, even though it means you can’t quell your chill as well. This scenario was used by psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud as a parable for the human dilemma. We want to be intimate with each other, Freud said, but we hurt each other when we…